9th grade girl #1: Yo, this shit is mad boring. This school's a damn waste of ma time. Plus, it's grimy and nasty, all the girls have that thing that begins with a "c," what's it called?
9th grade girl #2: Cooties?
9th grade girl #1: Nah.
9th grade girl #2: Chlamydia?
9th grade girl #1: Yeah, that's it! That shit is annoying.

--M86 Bus

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

--Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

--Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

--St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

--Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

--Port Authority

Homeless guy hugging another: I love you, old school! You got a cigarette?

--14th St & 8th Ave

Drunk, fighting with another and punching phone booth: I will fuck you up, man! I love you, man!

--E 11th St & 9th Ave

Sloppy drunk dial outside gay club: I love you so fuckin much, mom...like...*more* than Anna Nicole!

--Valda, Gay Bar, NYC

Female NYU student: You don't love Joe Biden as much as I do. Dude, Joe Biden is awesome! He should be gay!

--Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Blair

Guy leaning against light post, to girlfriend: Listen, I love you...but you're so fucking mean.

--47th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: J&J

Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!

--Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.

--Warren St & W Broadway

Overheard by: Tha WB

Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.

--Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA

Overheard by: Andi C.

Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.

--Grand Central

Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!

--B Train

Overheard by: Jen

European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.

--Canal & Lafayette

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah...this isn't working out."

--Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

--Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

--Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

--Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

--West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

--Bloomingdale's

Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me.

--W 4th St & Bank St

Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right?

--M60 Bus

Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder.

--Outside Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: shaun

Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right?

--Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop!

--G Train

Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron

Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing?

--Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: office peon

Middle-aged lady to guy handing out Obama and McCain condoms: Now I've got something to play with tonight! All I need is a man.

--42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Hate Times Square

30-something dad on cell pushing small child in stroller: You know, I'm all in favor of that Plan B medication.

--Park Slope, Prospect Park

Overheard by: Alex

Girl in elevator to friend: I don't even know why you need condoms, they break anyway. But I didn't get pregnant!

--Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kar

Guy at the sidewalk: Anybody wants McCain, Obama and Palin condoms? McCain, Obama and Palin condoms...get it here! Because either way, you're screwed!

--Times Square

Overheard by: non voter

Girl to bartender: Can I get some of those condoms? (bartender takes out two) I mean, like a bunch? I'm a big dirtbag.

--Boss Tweeds

Suit on cell: You just wrap it in duct tape and put a condom on it.

--7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Disrespectful dude: We don't respect our old people here. Just makes more sense.

--Penn Station

Boisterous, deep voiced, West Indian woman: Miss, if you want respect, you must give respect! (pause) What the fuck are you gonna do about it? (pause) Miss, we will fight and we will die on this bus!

--Bus, Church Ave

Overheard by: Dena C.

Conductor: Please step away from the doors. (pause) I'm asking you in a nice way to please step away from the doors. (pause) If you do it out of respect for me, or, um, I guess, you don't have to, but at least respect the other passengers.

--Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Vivi

Guy: Yeah, I would never fart in her face, that's disrespectful.

--Madison Sqaure Garden

Overheard by: adelynn

Emphatic bakery delivery man to store manager: You guys don't respect my bread.

--46th St & 43rd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Guy on cell: I lost all respect for her after she fucked the ice cream man.

--Dust Bowl, Central Park

Overheard by: Jay Softe

Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!

--46th & 6th

Overheard by: Eggmen7

Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-...-i-e-n-...-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i...-e-n-c-e! I did it!

--Mulberry & Spring

Overheard by: Erica L.

Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.

--45th b/w 6th & 7th

Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.

--35th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jeggy

Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself--the id, the ego--it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?

--Hoffman St & E 187th St

Overheard by: Lucy

Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Man on cell: Hey mom... It's your son! You jackass!

--Bleecker & Mercer

Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well... (begins whispering)

--2 Train

Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!

--Amtrak Train

Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.

--Ave D

Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!

--Park Ave & 125th St

Woman to another: ...so I was fucking your brother.

--Theatre District

Suit on phone: The dream was strange...we are in a library ...I say something like "it's a liability." Then you said "your mom's a liability." That was it...I don't know.

--Gramercy Park

Overheard by: POLA

Young suit to another: The world is not your oyster!

--Bryant Park

Overheard by: Amy

Suit to another, as 30-something woman in skirt and high heels passes by: Yowza! And that ends our case study!

--Madison Ave & 40th St

Overheard by: Casey

Stressed female suit: No one gives a fuck anymore. Everyone's just gonna do what they want. And any further complaints can be directed to my ass.

--University St b/w 8th & Waverly

Middle-aged Asian man in three-piece suit on cell: I mean, how can I live like Bond if I'm married?

--46th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: dr. no, i dont do

20-something female suit on cell: Baby, I would love to go to dinner, but you have two options: dinner or sex. I only have time for one.

--27th St & Park Ave